I've been dreading having to write this post. Every time I think about it I get a pain in my stomach and my eyes start burning. That burning feeling you get before you cry.
This is my best friend, Lola. Many of you already know that.
Many of you also know that I had to let Lola go last week. I had to make one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, but it was almost so easy because she was in so much pain.
I can hardly believe she is gone. I have had Lola for 5 years. She was 5 1/2 years old. Too young in my opinion.
Lola has always had problems with 'pulled muscles', so we thought. Whenever Lola would go out and play with the big dogs, she would always come back inside and limp around for two or three days. She always got better and we never worried.
Last week we thought she had a pulled muscle. She never got better, she got worse. I got home from work one day to find her paralyzed sitting up in my parents room with her front legs stiff as boards (Schiff Sherrington Syndrome). I dropped everything I was carrying and walked over to her. I knew it wasn't good. I dropped to my knees and grabbed her up in my arms and just started crying. I just remember saying no, no, no, not you. I just knew it wasn't good. I picked her up and carried her into the kitchen and told my family I wanted to take her to the vet right now. I called and my vet was on call. Thank goodness. He led me through some tests over the phone and she failed all of them. He said to meet him at the office and we did. I already knew before we left the house that I was going to have to let her go, but I still had a tinge of hope.
We got there and he x-rayed her. Her T11 disc was odd looking. He said it was most likely ruptured/slipped and that it was most definitely hitting her spinal cord causing the paralysis. She had no deep pain response. None. She couldn't feel a pair of hemostats pinching her tendons. She only had a 5% chance of recovery.
I thought right then and there that if she couldn't go back home and run around with the other dogs and with the horses... I didn't want her there. It wasn't fair to her to be in all this pain, to go through surgeries that may not work and not be able to be a dog. I loved her and I didn't want to let her go, but it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to me either to lose her at such a young age. She was the last dog on this earth that deserved this! I'm sad and angry all at the same time.
I told her that MeMa would take care of her and that I would see her again one day. I know I will and I can't wait. I also told her she was the best dog we have ever had. And she was. She was a better dog than any dog I know. I don't know how I got so lucky to have her fall into my hands, but then I do... because God knew I would take care of her. She sure did fall into a gold mine that summer night in 2007.
Thanks to all who sent cards, flowers, text messages, facebook messages, and those who sent me pictures of her they had on their phones.... it means the world to me. I know Lola had a lot of people love her and it makes me so happy to know that she was loved!
My family loved this dog like another child/sibling and she loved every single one of us. She was so special.
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The first day I ever saw Lola was in the Summer of 2007 at about 1AM. I was getting home from a movie and my friends dropped me off in the parking lot that is across the street from our farm. My friends sometimes don't like to drive down my 1/2 mile driveway so, I use to meet them up at the parking lot. I stepped out of their car and there she was walking towards me from the busy highway. I couldn't believe such a beautiful dog was on the side of the road. I immediately scooped her up (after making sure she wasn't going to bite me- psh... sweetest dog ever.) and carried her home with me in the back of my Jeep. I'd never seen her before as many times as I had ridden horses around there. I put her in our dog kennels for the night with some food and water. I'd worry about her in the morning.
The next morning I bounded out of bed and headed for the back door. Mom said "Where are you going?!" I said "I'll be back in a minute". I walked down to the kennels and there she was waiting for me. Wagging her little butt as I got closer. She was so cute. I picked her up and carried her inside. I guessed she was probably 6 months old. She weighed about 25-30 lbs. I opened the back door and said to mom "Look what I found last night". Mom gasped and immediately jumped up to pet her.
I gave her a bath, found some old dog toys and put her out in the garage. I had to wait for dad to get home... no telling what he would say about her. Of course I wanted to keep her, but I wanted to find her rightful owner. She was so sweet and she had to belong to someone. Her tail was even docked.
Young Lola
The day after I found her.
Dad got home that afternoon. I went to the garage and sat on the steps with her. He got out of his truck and wasn't happy at all. I told him what happened and that I would post posters and take her to the vet offices around town to see if anyone knew her. Fifteen to twenty minutes later I worked up the courage to ask dad if the white dog could come inside. I don't know what exactly happened, but that dog ended up in our house that night and my whole entire family was in love with her that day.
I reluctantly packed her up in the car and went from vet office to vet office. No one recognized her. I posted posters in all the neighborhoods close by, on all the stop signs around our farm... no calls.
Days passed by and no one claimed her. She was mine. My very first dog. A dog to call my own.
The rest is history.
Our first picture together
Lola and baby Coal
I named her Lola because I just loved that name, but my dad wanted me to name her Poochie or Dotty. Well, I thought she looked like a Lola, so Lola it was! For the girls anyways... Dad continued to call her Poochie-Dotty. It was soon shortened to P.D. From then on out all the boys/men called her P.D. and the girls/ladies called her Lola. She answered to both.
She followed me everywhere I went if she could and she spun circles & circles when I got home from Auburn on the weekends.
When I moved home for good after I graduated, Lola was beside me every minute. Even if I walked from my bathroom to my room she was right behind me. I took her to work with me when I could and this year she came to work with me almost everyday at the RV Park. She became well known at the park. All the residents loved her.
She slept in my room beside my bed every night.
In her bed all covered up... her favorite.
Every single time I took a shower, she laid right outside the shower curtain and waiting on me to get out. If she wasn't right outside the shower she laid in the hallway cause she knew I couldn't escape by her!
She loved going out to the pasture and getting up the horses and she loved going on rides, although she didn't get to go on many because I always worried about her pulling a muscle. She was my "fragile dog".
Lola's favorite thing to do everyday was
go outside and lay in the sun. Every morning she would sit by the back
door and wait for us to let her out. She would jump up on the bench and
lay there for over an hour.
Lola was spoiled and everyone knows it... but sometimes she was secretly spoiled.
this
is Lola on the couch downstairs. Lola was never allowed on furniture,
but I secretly let her get on the couch downstairs when I was watching
movies or playing games. :)
This is Lola on Christmas morning.... in my bed with me.
And this is Lola sharing my ice cream with me.
All the way down to the end.
She wanted to be a red dog like her brothers. On this particular day, I wouldn't hesitate in saying that she succeeded!
This is how Lola often slept. How that was comfortable... I have no idea.
She was always by my side... no matter where I was! On this particular day, I was moving a tree out of flint's pasture.
On
this particular day, I was taking an embarrassing picture to send to
Josh to tell him how much I loved my new boots! Lola... right there
watching me.
And this day...
I
got made fun of on facebook for posting this picture, because most of
my family and friends that have been to my house were well aware that
this was taken from my toilet. She really did follow me everywhere.
These next couple of pictures are the most recent pictures I had taken of sweet Lola Belle... Such a pretty girl.
and more pictures of Lola...
Out in the pasture...
Being a hoot.
With her dragon. Her favorite toy.
After a day of playing with her brothers. I didn't even think this was my lola! Thought it was a stray!
The first time Lola went out to play in the snow... she decided she didn't like it.
Enjoying Boca Grande beaches
Me and my belle on the beach.
Lola at one of many many pig shows
The face I saw every day.
And another
And another
And another...
the face that gave her her nickname 'Gremlin'
Lola visiting her boyfriend Noah at the vet.
Another playday.
Waiting by my side..
Me and my lola belle.
At her daddy's (Josh's) apartment
At the beaverpond.
Being a doll while Blair plays with her in her bed.
Kisses.
Lola taught Coal kitty how to be a dog fairly well!
She and Cutie pie always by my side in the pasture!
That cute ear.
Lola going on a ride! Another favorite.
and another ride.
And in memory of Lola... I put together these frames and hung them in my room.
Five years wasn't enough.
I miss her and think about her almost every minute I am home.
I miss her waking me up every morning... The yawns with high pitched squeals thrown in the middle. The whinning she did that got me out of bed in the morning. I'll miss how she use to bound in circles in front of the door when we were going on a ride, how she would push her nose up against the door when you opened it to let her out- like she couldn't get out fast enough!
I'll miss her barking at every single sonic boom. Even when I'm trying to sleep for night shift.
I miss those clicking of toenails on the floor behind me and I miss her being on her bed next to mine.
I miss her polka dotted ears, her polka dotted toes, and her polka dotted tummy...
I'll miss pointing at her saying bang and her falling over playing dead..
I'll miss saying 'get em' when my brothers come in and Lola running up to them barking like they were burglars and then running around wagging her tail like she didn't something awesome...
I'll miss pointing at her saying bang and her falling over playing dead..
I'll miss saying 'get em' when my brothers come in and Lola running up to them barking like they were burglars and then running around wagging her tail like she didn't something awesome...
I don't know how long I will be pulling little white hairs off my clothes or how long they will be in the carpet of my car.
I don't know how long I will leave her bed in my room on the floor... probably forever.
Her collars are on my dresser... her toys in the bucket...
and her memory in every room and every step I take through my house.
I miss you Lola... and I love you so much.
I'll miss and love you every single day of my life... and I know everyone else will too.
Even your short stubby tail and your lonesome eyebrow.
Love you Gremlin.
10 comments:
Oh Molly, I am sorry for you and your family missing Lola....I am just crying as I read how good YOU WERE TO LOLA and how special she was to you. One of my personal favorite photos....sharing the ice cream...I thought I was the only ne that did that:-) I love the one of her and Latch too. What a wonderful life your family provided for her. You did right in letting her go, she is too sweet and special to suffer that much pain and agony. When I lost Cookie, I had a empty shadow behind me for months and months. I didnt want to ever forget how she smelled and how she sounded when she slept.
Just love on those other family members ...human and animals :-) There is plenty to be happy about and plenty to love. It will be hard but as time goes on Lola's memory will make you smile and not cry. Well it happened like that for me anyway.
Love to all of you!
PS .... you have really got some great pictures of that Lola. I loveeee the one of Blair and Lola in her bed, the one of Lola in the snow and on the beach too. Great pictures! It is funny because we probably had 100,000,000,000 photos of Cookie. She was with us for 15 years...you were working on having that many of Lola! They are all good.
Molly, what a beautiful tribute to Lola. I know you will always miss her but I have a feeling she's running around happy as can be in Doggie Heaven. Your Uncle J. & I will miss Lola, too. The pictures of her are just awesome....so thankful you have those. Lola was so loved and she knew it...and she loved you too because she saw all the sweetness and goodness in you. The day you found her was certainly her lucky day:) We're thinking of you.
Molly, what great pictures of your sweet Lola. She was so loved...and she obviously adored you! There is nothing like a good dog, loyal to the core. I know she will be sorely missed and I hope you can find some comfort in knowing she is in such a special place with lots of special people. Thinking about you...
I still can't believe this happened. I am so sad for you. I looked over at Cairo just now, all snuggled on the couch, and thought about what it would be like to lose her without any warning. My heart breaks just thinking about it :( Lola was such a sweetheart, you can just see it in her little face.
I'm so sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for you. It's more than obvious how loved she was...though her life was short, she was lucky indeed! *Hugs*
Bless you sweet girl.I love you.
Bless you sweet girl.I love you.
Comments from my Facebook:
Melanie- Beautiful, Molly. I teared up reading it. It's hard to play "favorites" in life sometimes, but there's always that one special dog - what I like to call a "heart dog" - that will forever have a place in your heart and will never be far from your side in spirit... and Lola was your "heart dog." May she rest in peace and waggle her butt from heaven watching over you. :)
July 2 at 7:34pm · Like
Julia- That was so beautifully done Molly!!! She was precious. I am so sorry for your loss. But it takes so much courage to do the best you can for the ones you love. You are so strong and I admire you. Praying for you!
July 2 at 7:34pm via mobile · Like
Candi James- It is a very sweet and special piece on Lola. Bless you Molly.
July 2 at 7:34pm · Like
Katie - This definitely had me tearing up! What a precious dog. You have wonderful pictures of her. I am so sorry for your loss, Molly!
July 2 at 7:36pm · Like
Crystal B- That was such a nice post Molly. I am so sorry for your loss. I didn't know Lola very well but from what I did see of her she seemed like such a nice pup. I think of losing Drover and it brings tears to my eyes, I can only imagine how you feel. Praying for you
July 2 at 7:45pm · Like
Debra York- It was perfect,
July 2 at 8:17pm via mobile · Like
Beth M
Simply...Molly, the sweetest love story I have EVER read...the love you feel for Lola will never leave you...the pictures that you have of her are priceless. I now too, love her! Thank you for sharing this amazing love story. I am going to search heaven for her once I get there too.
July 2 at 8:32pm · Like
Candi James- Molly, I was wondering was Lola the only dog that you keep in the house? Where does Cutie Pie stay....she is just that .... a CUTIE PIE!!!
July 2 at 9:15pm · Like
Molly- Thanks for all the sweet comments everyone, y'all are gonna make me cry some more!!
Mrs Candi, she was the only inside dog. Cutie pie stays outside with the boys, she always has except during really cold winters I would let her sleep in my room with me and lola. Just tonight I was watching Faegan eat and some crumbs fell on the floor... I automatically thought 'oh lola will get those' and then had to rethink :( I guess I'll have to get use to not having a dog inside for a while.
July 2 at 9:22pm · Like
Amber S- Oh my Molly.. That is one of the absolute best memorial pages ever.. I was literally crying a paragraph into it. Lola was so lucky to have you scoop her up that night and be her Mama..I'm sure she knows how much you love her and knows you did the right thing for her. There are so many owners out there that won't.. sigh! Still crying as I type this! My Chloe reminds me a lot of Lola and while I was reading your blog I just kept looking over at Chloe asleep on the floor and I can't even fathom how hard it is to not hear her toe nails on the floor behind me.. Hug to you girl!! I hope things get easier for you!
July 2 at 9:45pm · Like
Bruce Goddard - Molly, I just happened up on this post...read every word of your blog... looked at every picture. Nothing like a faithful dog. Wonderful story. Though your heart is broken, your sadness will will eventually turn to smiles every time you think of her. Thanks for sharing. Your story made my day.
July 2 at 9:53pm · Like
Ashley J- I still have tears in my eyes! This is the sweetest thing I've read! I can't imagine this happening to one of my puppies! I can tell she had the best mom EVER while she was here!
July 2 at 11:03pm via mobile · Like
Casey Wilson Molly I read the blog I only wish that I could give you a hug. I know how much you must miss her but just know that she is looking down from above and still watching over you. All my Love
July 3 at 4:48am · Like
Kathy - What a special tribute to a special friend. Just cried as I read it. I am so sorry you both had to go through this but yet glad you both had a chance to love each other and create those special memories. Love you sweetie.
July 3 at 10:30am via mobile · Like
Veronica - The blog was so nice Molly! My heart hurts for you. I know how difficult that decision is. It was for the best though. You have such great pictures of Lola! She was blessed to have you. xoxox
July 3 at 10:51am · Like
Charlene Cook It's a beautiful story. You took her off the streets and kept her safe. She loved you and you gave her five years of the best home a dog could have. Somewhere she is still watching and waiting for you.
July 3 at 7:14pm · Like
Debbie Joiner- Molly , that was a beautiful tribute to Lola.Thanks for sharing with us. What a love.
July 3 at 11:48pm · Like
Darlene McDonald- Molly, WOW!!! What a wonderful way to pay tribute to such a great friend. My heart hurts for your loss but is happy for the wonderful memories you have of the many special times you shared.
Thanks Everyone
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